Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

So, Peter's been away for a Therapeutic Rec conference for the last two days and won't be back for another 2 and I miss him. Well, that's an understatement. I hate when I can't be with him. I am such a baby...I struggle when he has classes all day. Silly I know but what can I say, he's been the center of my universe for the last two and a half years. With him being gone I've come to realize how much I love this man. Peter is such a great person to be around. He's positive, strong, and great to look at if I do say so myself. I can't wait for him to get home.

I don't know about anyone else but I feel that a lot of times when I decide/resolve to do something better, that's when things start to test me. In my last entry I resolved to be better about dwelling on the positive things, but then things came up that weren't pleasant. I believe that when we're feeling our strongest, that's when Satan decides to step up his game and throw whatever he can at us, and since we're feeling strong I think Heavenly Father sees how we handle it and how much we grow from it. It's so wonderful knowing we'll never be faced with anything that He knows we can't handle.

Just a quick update on the Bensons before I sign off. As I said before, Peter's at a conference for his major and says he is learning a lot of useful stuff, which is great! He also got an internship for next summer!! I'm so happy for him. He'll be doing it at the state hospital in Provo, UT. So, sadly we'll be moving from my beloved Idaho and family but Peter's family lives in Orem so I'm so happy to have my other family close by. Peter is the best dad and husband. Every night he rubs my feet and back and bathes Livy and tucks her in. She is such a daddy's girl. The last two days she's been wandering from room to room saying, "Dada, dada?" and gets pretty sad when she can't find him. Livy is growing up so fast. She loves running around, playing with her baby, eating, reading, and going for walks. She is such a sweet heart. She gives big sloppy kisses and has the cutest little smiles. I love being a mom!! As for me I'm 26 weeks along and feeling anxious and excited all at once. We can't wait to meet our new addition. Well that's all sorry it jumps from one topic to the next, but hey, I'm doing it! =)

Counting My Blessings

I'm so grateful to be alive!!! Peter told me this quote he heard in one of his classes and I decided it would be a wonderful principal to apply to my daily life. "The grass is always greener on the side that you water." And it may sound cliche but, it is so true! I've really started reviewing past days and have come to the conclusion that my bad days are the days I'm focusing on the stupid little things that bother me or when I brew over something that's offended me or hurt my feelings. And I realized, "How lame am I?" I'm "watering" all the things that create a cloudy, stormy, gloomy atmosphere around me-I'm growing weeds in my life! So, I've decided it's time to pull the weeds, even the little ones that spread like fire and can pop out of no where and the ones that are rooted so deep I haven't had the courage to do anything about them. So, my goal is to focus on the blessings in my life more; so much more that I'll end up choking out the weeds.

Let's be honest though...I'm not going to be able to do this quickly or by myself. I've always been kinda emotional and weak but I feel like I've grown so much stronger, especially these last couple of years with getting married and starting our family. Thank heaven I have such a wonderful man in my life who's optimistic and strong and whose faith in me astounds me. Knowing I have a daughter who depends on my everyday has already helped me so much, also knowing we have another little angel on the way is helping me be more organized and to learn how to plan ahead. When I'm prepared I feel at peace and calm, which is great! I also know that it's impossible to look around me without seeing about a million things that I have been blessed with. I have wonderful families and friends who are so willing to offer support and strength when I need it. And these people outnumber everyone else who I feel aren't truly there for me, which is why I need to focus on those who uplift me rather than those who tear me down. My Peter is the most perfect match for me. Each morning I wake up next to him is a small miracle. Bringing children into this world is probably the scariest thing I'll ever do, but knowing I will have the Lord to help shape me into a good mother, as long as I am faithful, has brought great comfort when I start to doubt myself. I love living here! I love Idaho. I'll be sad to leave it for any amount of time. The natural beauty that surrounds me takes my breath away. I live in a country where I am free to be what I want to be. I have amazing parents who have set me on the course I'm still taking. I could go on and on but I won't =) From here on out I'm determined to water the positive aspects of my life and to pull out that weedwacker and get to work!

One Of Those Days...

So, today's been one of those days where I realize how much I have to work on. Not only to improve myself, but to improve myself as a mother and wife. These days always seem to sneak up on my when I'm least expecting them. =) Don't get me wrong, days like today have shaped me into the person I am so far and hopefully I've improved over the years, so that's what I'm going to keep doing: just keep getting better.

Peter has been my constant motivator. He's so steady and strong that I know that I can lean and rely on him no matter what. I also know that he always has a way of making me feel like the most wonderful person on Earth, even when I'm down on myself the most. I love him so much and am so grateful that he helps me want to be a better person each day.

I know I'm not perfect and that I've made a lot of mistakes and probably hurt a few people along the way. There are times when I wish I could watch my past choices so I could know who these people are. I know being hurt by others, especially others who are close to you, can be one of the most trying and scarring moments. So, I guess as cheesy/lame as it is I'm just apologizing to anyone out there that I've done anything to hurt you or those close to you and to also thank the many of you who have forgiven me for my faults and shortcomings. Most of all I am so grateful for my Savior who provided the way for me to repent for my sins and faults, and who above all else loves me inside and out no matter what; who knows what I'm capable of and will always give me little reminders that I'm not reaching for that potential, and shows me ways to get back on track.

I still have about four months left before this next little baby girl comes, but lately I've really been thinking if I have what it takes to mother two children who are going to be about 19 months apart. I know I have the support and help from my wonderful husband and our families, but there's still that little nasty voice in the back of my head telling me that I don't have what it takes. I don't ever want my little Livy to doubt how much I love her. And just when I start to freak myself out, I realize that I'm overthinking things. That I am capable of doing this as long as I am patient and seek that help I need.

I know I don't let Peter know how much I appreciate everything he does for me (and that is a lot), he's pretty much the perfect husband. And he's perfect for me in every way. I feel that in just the short years we've been together, that he already understands me better than my family (no offense Mechams I still love you so much). I'm so blessed to have him as my eternal companion.

I don't really know if this entry even makes sense but I needed to write some of these feelings down so that maybe I can start to make sense of them myself. =)

Summer's Almost Over

I seriously can't believe how fast this summer has flown by! It has been such a wonderful mix of adventures, struggles, and joys. So, before anyone starts to read this entry I much warn you that it may be very long.

First, my grandfather ended up passing away the evening of July 3. We tell each other he wanted to go before the 4th just so he'd be able to hear all the wonderful patriotic music that he hasn't been able to hear for the past few years. I know I mentioned it in a previous entry but, my grandpa is one of the MOST patriotic people I have ever met. I can't sing the National Anthem of any other patriotic song without thinking of him, which in turn makes me cry. His funeral wasn't held until July 30 because my Nana wanted all of us to only have to travel once to Utah because we were having our Melnyk family reunion the following day.
Going to this funeral gave me such a greater appreciation for the gospel and the knowledge it beings into my life. Especially, when it comes to life after death. I have several cousins who are not members and to see their grief was so heartbreaking. My own grandfather was not a member, but he loved the church and especially the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I know that as soon as he got to the other side he thought, "So this is what everyone's been telling me about." I'm so grateful to know that life is eternal and that I get to be with those I love forever. It's just so astounding to think about.
This is my mom with her siblings and her mom.


A week before the funeral we were able to head to Orem to spend the weekend with the entire Benson family (minus the family missionary Michael). It was so fun seeing everyone! There were babies and little ones EVERYWHERE!! It was so much fun! I'm horrible at getting pictures but I may steal some from other people's blogs (hint, hint) because it was such a great weekend. There was a lot of eating and Can-Jam (it's a super fun game!) and late night game nights. Hopefully soon I'll get pictures and go into more detail.

After my grandfather's funeral we headed to Midway, Utah for the Melnyk reunion. It was awesome! We got to go horseback riding, which was my favorite activity, and mostly a lot of swimming. We ate a lot and golfing was also a ton of fun! We also watched a lot of Shark Week on the Discovery channel. I am now officially terrified of sharks and the ocean. It was great being able to spend time with extended family, some whom I haven't seen in years. It's so great being able to bring family together and, no matter our upbringing, have such a wonderful time with each other.

Feeding the horses behind the house we were staying at.


Nana trying to get Livy to like the horsey =)


My whole family minus Drew who's serving a mission.


My mom, Livy, and me

Wouldn't it be great if I age like my mother?!

So my Aunt Nan got these matching swimsuits for Natalie and Livy. How cute are they?!


Shortly after getting home from the reunion, we went to have my ultrasound. And we got the wonderful news that we'll be having another little girl!! I'm so excited for Livy to grow up with a best friend. My next post will be about the Roundy reunion at Bear Lake.

Our Biggest Girl!

Livy is walking! I should have mentioned this in the last post but she had just started to venture out and try out her legs. She is so so happy to be able to get about and go wherever she wants. It's amazing how content she is now that she's gained that independence. We love it! She's so fun to watch...she just goes from one end of the room to the next as fast as she can smiling and laughing the whole way. What a joy she is in our lives!

Not much else to report. My Grandpa Melnyk (my mom's father) has been pretty sick the last little while. He's 93 and has lived an amazing life. My mom is actually flying to California tomorrow because they don't think he'll make it through the week. Facing this has had me thinking about life and death... this will be the first family death that I'll face. I've been so blessed to have both sets of grandparents for so long in my life. My grandpa is not a member, but I just know that as soon as he gets on the others side of the veil that he'll realize what we've been trying to tell him all these years. He's one of the most honest and generous men I've ever met, and I know the Lord will know how to put him to work.


Here are some things I'm especially going to miss:
*I'm going to miss him pretending his cane is a machine gun and shooting all his relatives down. Haha! He's so great!
*His amazing stories from WWII and his travels from around the world.
*Sitting with him in his office that has stacks of the New York Times and National Geographic magazines.
*His awesome artifacts in his office (swords, other weaponry, and his random Nazi hat)
*How loud he watches television
*How whenever a patriotic song was played he'd pound on the closest surface to the rhythm
*His crazy long white eyebrows, and how'd he trim them with the scissors on his Swiss Army Knife.
*Mostly for the life lessons his taught vocally and through example. His love for this wonderful country.
*My favorit quote from Grandpa Melnyk, "Be gay (happy) and live it up!"

How GREAT is he?! He even hit the bull's eye on the target!

I know I don't tell any of my family enough, but I love them all so much and am so grateful for all they teach me and for putting up with me and my weaknesses. I love you Grandpa!

Father's Day Weekend & Anniversary

So, this past weekend we were able to go to Utah for a much needed weekend away and much needed family time with Peter's side of the family. We went down for Peter's brother, Michael's farewell. He's leaving today for the MTC and will be serving in Florida. He's going to be a GREAT missionary and touch many lives for the better. It was so great to see the Benson clan. Livy has been having a hard time warming up to people, especially if Pete and I are in the same room, so we finally handed her over to Grandma and just walked away. And I don't know how Grandmas do it but Livy fell asleep in her arms. She NEVER does that for us. She even let Grandma kiss her goodbye. =) We also got to stay with our good friends the Andersons! They are seriously some of the greatest people I know. They have a little girl just about a year older than Livy and they got along quite well. Doug and Molly are such a great example to Peter and me about so many things and we love to spend time with them, although it's never enough time for us. Thanks Doug and Molly for letting us crash at your place.

So, it was Peter and my second anniversary on the 13th. I honestly can't believe it's already been two years, but I also feel like we've been together for so much longer than that when it comes to the depth of our relationship and marriage. I am constantly blown away with how much he loves me and how much he does for me. I am so blessed to have him in my life. How I was ever happy before I caught him is beyond me. So I'm going to brag a little about my husband now.

His faith is incredible! A few months ago I hit some hard times, in the span of 2 or 3 months I ended up having a skin disorder (gross sounding I know, sorry) that no doctor could diagnose, I tore my ACL and I'm unable to have surgery due to the fact I'm uninsured, and a few weeks after that I miscarried. I was seriously at the end of my rope of hope and faith. I can't count how many nights I cried and cried on Peter's shoulder. Many of you know that I hate showing weakness to others so of course during the days I shoved everything down deep and smiled, but when poor Peter came home it all came bubbling up and I just couldn't hold it back. He constantly reminded me that Heavenly Father is aware of me and that if I ever needed comfort to turn to my Savior, Jesus Christ, because He knows exactly how I'm feeling all the time. And I really needed that reminder. And so because of my husband's amazing faith and example my testimony has grown by leaps and bounds. His love for me and the gospel pulled me through the toughest time I've faced in my life. Peter is the most understanding man I know. He never judges others and everyone loves him immediately because of his easy and open personality. He's always willing to go out of his way to help those in need and it makes me love him even more. I can't believe how blessed I am.

Throughout my trials, Peter reminded me that I'd be able to gain empathy and strength, and he was right. I've learned to not take things for granted. Like being able to walk up stairs or down the street. The little things were always forgotten until I experienced life without them. I've also learned to a greater degree that Heavenly Father's plan may not always follow or time table. And now that we're expecting a baby again I know that my body is healthier and stronger so that I can sustain the strains of pregnancy and all that goes with it. Much more so then when I miscarried. Sometimes, hardships end up being blessings, even if we don't realize it when it happens.

So, thank you Peter for being my life vest and for loving me; especially, during those few months when I felt like I couldn't love myself. My life is now complete with you in it and I can't wait for the rest of eternity! I love you!





For our celebration we got to go to Red Robin...just the two of us! =) Thank heaven for Nana and Papa (me parents) who love to watch Livy. After dinner we went bowling. Which was our favorite activity while we were dating. I surprised Peter with a new baseball glove. He hasn't gotten one since he was 7 or 8. He was so excited! It was so cute. He was like a little kid on his birthday and Christmas combined.

Also, on Monday we had our doctor's appointment and we were able to hear the baby's heartbeat. Hearing that strong, fast, little heartbeat makes this pregnancy so much more of a reality and it's such a reassurance that everything is going well. Sorry this is such a long entry but I just couldn't stop typing once I started. =) Hope everyone has a wonderful day and rest of the week. Much love!

P.S. We love comments! =)

I can't decide...

I've been debating whether to keep going with this blog. I don't know if people even read it and I don't know if I'm doing it because I want to or because I wanted to be cool like everyone else =) I guess I'll just wait it out.

Ok now that I've put that out there, just a little update on the Benson family. Peter is approaching midterms and he's feeling the pressure of the 18 credits he's taking this semester. Yet, through it all he always finds time to play with Livy and to spend some time with me snuggling on the love sac. He's such an incredible man, I still can't believe how blessed I am to have him in my life. He's also working two jobs so that I can stay at home. Everytime I mention that I should find work he just says, "You already have a full time job taking care of Livy and me." I just love him, and we've been lucky enough that I haven't had to work yet.

Livy...oh my sweet Livy Lu. She is getting so close to walking! I can't believe how big she is getting. After every nap she loves to just sit and cuddle with me while we watch a movie and I love these special moments because I know they won't last forever. She loves chocolate milk and apple juice and her favorite snack is either cold pees or mandarin oranges. Everytime she smiles it melts my heart and Peter's. She's got her daddy wrapped around her little finger and can get him to do just about anything. She's gotten very good at shaking her head "no" and nodding "yes" and that has been wonderful! It's really opened up the communication for us. I just can't get enough of her.

As for me, I'm loving being a mom and wife, which I may not do well all the time but I know I'm getting better every day. This pregnancy has been great as far as morning sickness goes (haven't had any) but a struggle with back pain, but Peter's always quick to offer a massage, so I'll admit I play it up a little bit. I'm in a place where things have happened that have made me stop to think about who I am and what my interests are and should be. But I know that even if I can't figure that out, I have a wonderful husband who loves me, a daughter who makes my face sticky with kisses, a new little baby on the way, and a Father in Heaven who loves me no matter what. It's a pretty GREAT life!