So, today's been one of those days where I realize how much I have to work on. Not only to improve myself, but to improve myself as a mother and wife. These days always seem to sneak up on my when I'm least expecting them. =) Don't get me wrong, days like today have shaped me into the person I am so far and hopefully I've improved over the years, so that's what I'm going to keep doing: just keep getting better.
Peter has been my constant motivator. He's so steady and strong that I know that I can lean and rely on him no matter what. I also know that he always has a way of making me feel like the most wonderful person on Earth, even when I'm down on myself the most. I love him so much and am so grateful that he helps me want to be a better person each day.
I know I'm not perfect and that I've made a lot of mistakes and probably hurt a few people along the way. There are times when I wish I could watch my past choices so I could know who these people are. I know being hurt by others, especially others who are close to you, can be one of the most trying and scarring moments. So, I guess as cheesy/lame as it is I'm just apologizing to anyone out there that I've done anything to hurt you or those close to you and to also thank the many of you who have forgiven me for my faults and shortcomings. Most of all I am so grateful for my Savior who provided the way for me to repent for my sins and faults, and who above all else loves me inside and out no matter what; who knows what I'm capable of and will always give me little reminders that I'm not reaching for that potential, and shows me ways to get back on track.
I still have about four months left before this next little baby girl comes, but lately I've really been thinking if I have what it takes to mother two children who are going to be about 19 months apart. I know I have the support and help from my wonderful husband and our families, but there's still that little nasty voice in the back of my head telling me that I don't have what it takes. I don't ever want my little Livy to doubt how much I love her. And just when I start to freak myself out, I realize that I'm overthinking things. That I am capable of doing this as long as I am patient and seek that help I need.
I know I don't let Peter know how much I appreciate everything he does for me (and that is a lot), he's pretty much the perfect husband. And he's perfect for me in every way. I feel that in just the short years we've been together, that he already understands me better than my family (no offense Mechams I still love you so much). I'm so blessed to have him as my eternal companion.
I don't really know if this entry even makes sense but I needed to write some of these feelings down so that maybe I can start to make sense of them myself. =)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Summer's Almost Over
I seriously can't believe how fast this summer has flown by! It has been such a wonderful mix of adventures, struggles, and joys. So, before anyone starts to read this entry I much warn you that it may be very long.
First, my grandfather ended up passing away the evening of July 3. We tell each other he wanted to go before the 4th just so he'd be able to hear all the wonderful patriotic music that he hasn't been able to hear for the past few years. I know I mentioned it in a previous entry but, my grandpa is one of the MOST patriotic people I have ever met. I can't sing the National Anthem of any other patriotic song without thinking of him, which in turn makes me cry. His funeral wasn't held until July 30 because my Nana wanted all of us to only have to travel once to Utah because we were having our Melnyk family reunion the following day.
Going to this funeral gave me such a greater appreciation for the gospel and the knowledge it beings into my life. Especially, when it comes to life after death. I have several cousins who are not members and to see their grief was so heartbreaking. My own grandfather was not a member, but he loved the church and especially the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I know that as soon as he got to the other side he thought, "So this is what everyone's been telling me about." I'm so grateful to know that life is eternal and that I get to be with those I love forever. It's just so astounding to think about.
This is my mom with her siblings and her mom.
A week before the funeral we were able to head to Orem to spend the weekend with the entire Benson family (minus the family missionary Michael). It was so fun seeing everyone! There were babies and little ones EVERYWHERE!! It was so much fun! I'm horrible at getting pictures but I may steal some from other people's blogs (hint, hint) because it was such a great weekend. There was a lot of eating and Can-Jam (it's a super fun game!) and late night game nights. Hopefully soon I'll get pictures and go into more detail.
After my grandfather's funeral we headed to Midway, Utah for the Melnyk reunion. It was awesome! We got to go horseback riding, which was my favorite activity, and mostly a lot of swimming. We ate a lot and golfing was also a ton of fun! We also watched a lot of Shark Week on the Discovery channel. I am now officially terrified of sharks and the ocean. It was great being able to spend time with extended family, some whom I haven't seen in years. It's so great being able to bring family together and, no matter our upbringing, have such a wonderful time with each other.
Feeding the horses behind the house we were staying at.
Nana trying to get Livy to like the horsey =)
My whole family minus Drew who's serving a mission.
My mom, Livy, and me
Wouldn't it be great if I age like my mother?!
So my Aunt Nan got these matching swimsuits for Natalie and Livy. How cute are they?!
Shortly after getting home from the reunion, we went to have my ultrasound. And we got the wonderful news that we'll be having another little girl!! I'm so excited for Livy to grow up with a best friend. My next post will be about the Roundy reunion at Bear Lake.
First, my grandfather ended up passing away the evening of July 3. We tell each other he wanted to go before the 4th just so he'd be able to hear all the wonderful patriotic music that he hasn't been able to hear for the past few years. I know I mentioned it in a previous entry but, my grandpa is one of the MOST patriotic people I have ever met. I can't sing the National Anthem of any other patriotic song without thinking of him, which in turn makes me cry. His funeral wasn't held until July 30 because my Nana wanted all of us to only have to travel once to Utah because we were having our Melnyk family reunion the following day.
Going to this funeral gave me such a greater appreciation for the gospel and the knowledge it beings into my life. Especially, when it comes to life after death. I have several cousins who are not members and to see their grief was so heartbreaking. My own grandfather was not a member, but he loved the church and especially the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I know that as soon as he got to the other side he thought, "So this is what everyone's been telling me about." I'm so grateful to know that life is eternal and that I get to be with those I love forever. It's just so astounding to think about.
This is my mom with her siblings and her mom.
A week before the funeral we were able to head to Orem to spend the weekend with the entire Benson family (minus the family missionary Michael). It was so fun seeing everyone! There were babies and little ones EVERYWHERE!! It was so much fun! I'm horrible at getting pictures but I may steal some from other people's blogs (hint, hint) because it was such a great weekend. There was a lot of eating and Can-Jam (it's a super fun game!) and late night game nights. Hopefully soon I'll get pictures and go into more detail.
After my grandfather's funeral we headed to Midway, Utah for the Melnyk reunion. It was awesome! We got to go horseback riding, which was my favorite activity, and mostly a lot of swimming. We ate a lot and golfing was also a ton of fun! We also watched a lot of Shark Week on the Discovery channel. I am now officially terrified of sharks and the ocean. It was great being able to spend time with extended family, some whom I haven't seen in years. It's so great being able to bring family together and, no matter our upbringing, have such a wonderful time with each other.
Feeding the horses behind the house we were staying at.
Nana trying to get Livy to like the horsey =)
My whole family minus Drew who's serving a mission.
My mom, Livy, and me
Wouldn't it be great if I age like my mother?!
So my Aunt Nan got these matching swimsuits for Natalie and Livy. How cute are they?!
Shortly after getting home from the reunion, we went to have my ultrasound. And we got the wonderful news that we'll be having another little girl!! I'm so excited for Livy to grow up with a best friend. My next post will be about the Roundy reunion at Bear Lake.
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