One Of Those Days...

So, today's been one of those days where I realize how much I have to work on. Not only to improve myself, but to improve myself as a mother and wife. These days always seem to sneak up on my when I'm least expecting them. =) Don't get me wrong, days like today have shaped me into the person I am so far and hopefully I've improved over the years, so that's what I'm going to keep doing: just keep getting better.

Peter has been my constant motivator. He's so steady and strong that I know that I can lean and rely on him no matter what. I also know that he always has a way of making me feel like the most wonderful person on Earth, even when I'm down on myself the most. I love him so much and am so grateful that he helps me want to be a better person each day.

I know I'm not perfect and that I've made a lot of mistakes and probably hurt a few people along the way. There are times when I wish I could watch my past choices so I could know who these people are. I know being hurt by others, especially others who are close to you, can be one of the most trying and scarring moments. So, I guess as cheesy/lame as it is I'm just apologizing to anyone out there that I've done anything to hurt you or those close to you and to also thank the many of you who have forgiven me for my faults and shortcomings. Most of all I am so grateful for my Savior who provided the way for me to repent for my sins and faults, and who above all else loves me inside and out no matter what; who knows what I'm capable of and will always give me little reminders that I'm not reaching for that potential, and shows me ways to get back on track.

I still have about four months left before this next little baby girl comes, but lately I've really been thinking if I have what it takes to mother two children who are going to be about 19 months apart. I know I have the support and help from my wonderful husband and our families, but there's still that little nasty voice in the back of my head telling me that I don't have what it takes. I don't ever want my little Livy to doubt how much I love her. And just when I start to freak myself out, I realize that I'm overthinking things. That I am capable of doing this as long as I am patient and seek that help I need.

I know I don't let Peter know how much I appreciate everything he does for me (and that is a lot), he's pretty much the perfect husband. And he's perfect for me in every way. I feel that in just the short years we've been together, that he already understands me better than my family (no offense Mechams I still love you so much). I'm so blessed to have him as my eternal companion.

I don't really know if this entry even makes sense but I needed to write some of these feelings down so that maybe I can start to make sense of them myself. =)