Being me...

So, the last few weeks I have really been struggling. And, until recently, I couldn't figure out why. I couldn't figure out why I cried so easily, or why I was so quick to tear myself donw. I started reading a book, yesterday, and a lightbulb just went on in my head (I love those "ah-ha!" moments): I'm trying to be like those around me, and by doing so I'm comparing myself to them. I know that comparing is a way of life but it's how we do it and use the tool that can affect us. I've always wanted to fit in with the girls. I don't very well. I'm much more comfortable with the guys and being the tom boy, but a part of me (probably a big part) was always jealous of those girls that all my guy friends would talk about, because I was never the "hot one", or the "super skinny one", etc., and I wanted to be sometimes. Unfortunately, my jealousy resulted in me losing one of my best friends and one of the most wonderful, gracious, and dependable people I know. How sad that I'd let something so petty interfere with that relationship. As I grew up and found things that I loved, such as volleyball, I became much more self assured and confident. However, I threw myself into volleyball with such intensity, other areas in my life suffered. My grades, my social life, and other things that create a well-rounded person. Even though I was confident on the court, I was painfully self-concious and weak in many other aspects of my person. Eventually, I realized that even though volleyball was helping me it was also holding me back. Then I started working. Work was the best thing that ever happened to me. Work is where I met my Prince Charming! It took a long time for me to let Peter into my life. I was always in the "Friend Zone" with stunningly handsome men, but Peter was different (still stunningly handsome). He wanted to get to know me. He saw beyond the outside and found someone wonderful. And because of him and his love, I'm becoming that someone wonderful that he saw.



Anyways, back to my main point. I had compared myself all me life to those I thought had it better than me. Thinking I would never be good enough. I'd been told I wouldn't be after a not-so-healthy relationship, and with the state of mind I had I believed it. Ridiculous, right? This book made me look at the bigger picture. And Peter's been trying to get me to see it ever since we got together. Even though I may think all of my insanely gorgeous sisters-in-law have it easy with their weight, I don't know that. I don't know that it's easy, and even if it is they have other trials in their lives that I can't even comprehend. Even though my house isn't nearly as put together as So-and-so's, they may have more time to do that or they're struggling with other things. I've been comparing myself with others based on the surface of things. How unfair is that? To both the person I'm looking at and me. How shallow. Gross. I've been looking at the superficial layer of myself and I know there's so much more to me than the fact that I can't fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans. =)

I'm a good listener.
I love helping those in need.
I am a daughter of God.
I have divine purpose.
I have Celestial potential.
I am loved perfectly.
I am a blessed mother.
I am a loving wife.
I am a woman of being!

"Drink and Never Thirst"

Liz Lemon Swindle

I can't even begin to express the difference in my countenance and my self-awareness. Even if it's only been 24 hours since this scrumptious revelation. I feel as though I'm lighter, that I'm more me than I have been in a long time. And, more importantly, that I'm happy with being me. I know there are going to be days that I will have to mentally and physically stop myself from comparing myself with those around me. It isn't an overnight change. But I have all the tools I need to be happy and content and to be the best me I can be. I'm doing the best I can. It may not be as good as others, but it's the best that I can do and that's all that matters.

Life is *simply scrumptious*

Lately...

Life has been busy. I had forgotten how many loads of laundry a new little one can generate. Truly it's amazing.


Livy has really fallen into the role of big sister wonderfully. She loves Jane so much and wants to cuddle with her often (sometimes draping herself over her) and kisses her everytime she walks past her. And probably the most amazing thing, she gives her "silky" to Jane when she gets too upset, all the while saying, "It's ok", over and over. Which is exactly what Peter and I say to her too. Now those of you who don't know just how attached Livy is to her silky, this is incredible for her to hand it over. Livy is getting so grown up, she's talking more and more, which is so wonderful for us. She loves reading books, but only the ones that she picks out. A couple months ago she started sleeping in her twin bed and she loves it. The last two Sundays I've been able to walk her to nursery and only have to sit with her for a couple minutes before sneaking out, but the leader informed me she didn't even cry (I think the transition was almost harder on me).

All tuckered out.


Helping Daddy plow the driveway.


Not wanting to stop helping Daddy =)


Getting so big!



Jane is growing fast! She is getting so tall, and I think she looks like a Benson more and more. She definitely developing her own look and is just such a joy to have. She started smiling a few weeks ago and just the other day she giggled for me while playing "Pat-a-cake." Of course I haven't gotten her to do it since. =) She's been such a sweet baby and has gotten into a pretty steady schedule already and goes to bed around 9 and sleeps until 6. She loves Livy. She will follow her around the room and whenever Livy talks to her she just smiles, unless she's too upset. Having two sweet girls in our home reminds me daily of the tender mercies of our Heavenly Father.

Smiles!


Lovin her jammies


Blessing day.


So cute!



Peter has senioritis =) but is powering through it and is excited for the next chapter of our lives. Graduation is just about four weeks away and I am so proud of him. I know he puts his all in everything that he does. He's been getting to know the Teachers better in our ward and he may not feel like he's making much of a difference but I know he is. He is such a wonderful man. I know you all know that of course =). He never complains about unexciting dinners or lack there of, and he's always willing to help out with the girls as soon as he walks in the door. Every time he comes home I feel like I'm complete again, he's like a breath of fresh air to me and I love him for it.

Such a great helper! =)


Bonding time



As for me, I continue to learn the tricks of having more than one child in the house and trying to keep the house in order. I think I'm finally getting the hang of it. I'm pretty excited to be moving to Provo. I'm anxious for Livy and Jane to get to know their other grandparents better, I too am excited to build my relationship with the Bensons. My best friend lives in Provo as well and I'm glad to be closer to her. I truly love my family and I'm so happy we are entering this new stage of our lives. I know I'll miss my family deeply and it'll take me a little while to get over not having my mom close (yes I am a mama's girl =)). Lyman's as far from my family as I've been so I know it'll be an adjustment but I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow, because I know that happens when we're pushed out of our comfort zones.

Simply Scrumptious

I've decided to rename our blog "Simply Scrumptious" because that is what my life is. And it truly is simply scrumptious.

So, as it's been quite a long while since I've been on here I have a lot of catching up to do. But, the most important update is Jane Elizabeth arrived December 16, 2010 healthy and strong. She was 7 lbs. 7 oz. and 20 inches long, exactly one pound smaller and one inch shorter than her big sister. She has been such a blessing and such a wonderful baby. Seriously, she sleeps from 9pm to 4 or 5 in the morning and she's so in love with all of us, especially her big sister. Anytime Livy comes into her view she just smiles and smiles. They're going to be kindred spirits in know it. One thing more that was much appreciated on my part, was that her arrival was much less dramatic and quicker. It only took four contractions to get her out once I started pushing and no vacuum this time. =) I was a happy camper!

Isn't she just a doll?!

I know this was short and probably unfulfilling to read but it's all the time I have for now...Livy's ready for a snack. =)