Being me...

So, the last few weeks I have really been struggling. And, until recently, I couldn't figure out why. I couldn't figure out why I cried so easily, or why I was so quick to tear myself donw. I started reading a book, yesterday, and a lightbulb just went on in my head (I love those "ah-ha!" moments): I'm trying to be like those around me, and by doing so I'm comparing myself to them. I know that comparing is a way of life but it's how we do it and use the tool that can affect us. I've always wanted to fit in with the girls. I don't very well. I'm much more comfortable with the guys and being the tom boy, but a part of me (probably a big part) was always jealous of those girls that all my guy friends would talk about, because I was never the "hot one", or the "super skinny one", etc., and I wanted to be sometimes. Unfortunately, my jealousy resulted in me losing one of my best friends and one of the most wonderful, gracious, and dependable people I know. How sad that I'd let something so petty interfere with that relationship. As I grew up and found things that I loved, such as volleyball, I became much more self assured and confident. However, I threw myself into volleyball with such intensity, other areas in my life suffered. My grades, my social life, and other things that create a well-rounded person. Even though I was confident on the court, I was painfully self-concious and weak in many other aspects of my person. Eventually, I realized that even though volleyball was helping me it was also holding me back. Then I started working. Work was the best thing that ever happened to me. Work is where I met my Prince Charming! It took a long time for me to let Peter into my life. I was always in the "Friend Zone" with stunningly handsome men, but Peter was different (still stunningly handsome). He wanted to get to know me. He saw beyond the outside and found someone wonderful. And because of him and his love, I'm becoming that someone wonderful that he saw.



Anyways, back to my main point. I had compared myself all me life to those I thought had it better than me. Thinking I would never be good enough. I'd been told I wouldn't be after a not-so-healthy relationship, and with the state of mind I had I believed it. Ridiculous, right? This book made me look at the bigger picture. And Peter's been trying to get me to see it ever since we got together. Even though I may think all of my insanely gorgeous sisters-in-law have it easy with their weight, I don't know that. I don't know that it's easy, and even if it is they have other trials in their lives that I can't even comprehend. Even though my house isn't nearly as put together as So-and-so's, they may have more time to do that or they're struggling with other things. I've been comparing myself with others based on the surface of things. How unfair is that? To both the person I'm looking at and me. How shallow. Gross. I've been looking at the superficial layer of myself and I know there's so much more to me than the fact that I can't fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans. =)

I'm a good listener.
I love helping those in need.
I am a daughter of God.
I have divine purpose.
I have Celestial potential.
I am loved perfectly.
I am a blessed mother.
I am a loving wife.
I am a woman of being!

"Drink and Never Thirst"

Liz Lemon Swindle

I can't even begin to express the difference in my countenance and my self-awareness. Even if it's only been 24 hours since this scrumptious revelation. I feel as though I'm lighter, that I'm more me than I have been in a long time. And, more importantly, that I'm happy with being me. I know there are going to be days that I will have to mentally and physically stop myself from comparing myself with those around me. It isn't an overnight change. But I have all the tools I need to be happy and content and to be the best me I can be. I'm doing the best I can. It may not be as good as others, but it's the best that I can do and that's all that matters.

Life is *simply scrumptious*