Family of Six

Can you believe we are a family of six?! Neither can I. Little Gracie Virginia made her big debut June 13. It was Peter's and mine anniversary, and I was a little selfish and didn't want to share our anniversary with a child's birthday, but it turned out to be a perfect gift for us and the perfect testament of our love and commitment to each other.

Birth Story

You can skip ahead if you don't want to gritty details. Some people know that we opted to go with a midwife and a birthing center this time around, and some of those people may have thought we were crazy =) and that's okay. We loved it! Our midwife was absolutely wonderful and I never would have made it through this without her and without Peter. Susan has many years experience with midwifery and that was important to me as it was my first time with natural childbirth. I have nothing but positive experiences with my past OB/GYN's, hospital stays, and epidurals (I've had one with all three of my previous births); in fact, our first OB/GYN is still my absolute favorite medical person we have come in contact with, but I really didn't want to do the whole hospital/clinical experience again, and after a lot of talks with Peter and other women in the area, we opted to look into the closest birthing center and we felt great about it!

The entire week following up to her coming, I had contractions. And there were a couple of times where I totally thought, "This is it!" but it wasn't. I was pretty miserable in honesty and super anxious to see and meet her. My due date came and went, which really didn't surprise me, but it was still discouraging. When you have an induction date you know there's an end in sight, but when you're going natural it's anyone's guess.

Friday following my due date (five days overdue) I was really uncomfortable. Just achy and crampy all day and throughout the night before, but I was resigned that it would be a while longer. It was our 6th Anniversary and I wanted to be happy and go out with Peter, which we did for lunch to Outback. Yum!! Finally around 3 PM I told Peter I was going to take a bath to try and alleviate some of the pain I was in. I dozed in and out while in the tub and finally got out to lay on the bed to take a real nap. That was around 4 PM. At about 5 PM my contractions woke me. They were coming every five minutes, but I didn't get too excited about it because I had gone through hours of having them that close together, but about 30 minutes later they were every four minutes and then 20 minutes later every three minutes. I decided I should call my doula (such an amazing woman), who advised me to call Susan. After telling her that my contractions went from every five minutes to every three minutes within an hour, Susan told me to meet her at the center in about an hour to get checked and, hopefully, have a baby. Aaaah!!!

I called Peter into the room and told him to call his work (he's campus safety) and let them know he wouldn't be coming in for his 8-midnight shift. "Serious?" he asked. I sort of gave a laugh/cry and said, "Yes, we're having a baby." Thankfully, my parents were in town for the week so the three girls at home were well taken care of.

The drive to the center brought the contractions to about every two minutes. We got to the center about 8 PM and I was 100% effaced and 5 cm dilated. She told us to go and walk the stairs while she and her assistant got the room ready for us. So, the next hour or so I walked with Peter and it got to the point where I just had to stop and breathe through the contractions. One hour later I was at a six and Susan gave me the option to break my water after I spent some time with a hot shower pounding on my back to help with the back labor. I agreed(in hindsight if we do this route again I won't have my water broken this early). After she broke my water I got into the birthing tub. My contractions immediately came quicker and more intensely. It was like a thunderstorm took over. One thunderclap after another. I got in the tub at about 10:30 PM 6 cm dilated and she was born at 11 PM, to give you a sense of how intense and quick things progressed. As I said before, I would not have broken my water for the reason that I had no way to prepare or build the endurance for my contractions. I got to a point where I was scared. Terrified. And hit that, "I can't do this" wall. Susan looked me right in the face and said, "You can do this. She is almost here." I was leaning back against Peter and when I tried to push I just couldn't -- it hurt so bad! I just felt like I needed to get up in a squat to get her to come. Unfortunately, Peter wouldn't let me go (looking back, I should have been more clear and asked him nicely to let me go so I could get up in order to get our daughter out of me, but, pretty sure I was beyond rational thinking) so I threw him off of me with a very mean, "LET ME GO!" (sorry Love) and grabbed for the edge of the tub but grabbed Susan instead and nearly pulled her headfirst into the water...haha!!! Luckily, her student and assistant had good holds on her and kept her dry. After I gripped the tub I gave one big push and her head came and then (I'm pretty sure they were telling me to take a break but I didn't even hear anyone at this point) one more big push and she was there and pure relief, joy, and exhaustion took over.

Our sweet Gracie Virginia joined our family June 13, 2014 at 11:00 PM. 8 lbs. 1 oz. and 20 1/4 inches long. It just so happens this is a FANTASTIC day of the year -- it is Peter's and mine anniversary, it's one of my best friend's birthdays, and it was on Friday the 13th! Peter and I were married on Friday the 13th as well. So much fun!

Gracie gave us one big scream and then she was calm and alert. We sat there admiring this beautiful baby girl in awe at the goodness and greatness of God's love and trust in us. I couldn't believe that I did it. Peter was a complete rock for me. He never once faltered in his support and never left my side. I found out later it was kind of traumatic for him to see the pain I was in and not be able to do anything about it, but you would never know that with how he did. My love for him has grown all the more because of this experience. He is my best friend and my truest love. I am, oh, so blessed to have him in my life. Seriously.

My favorite part about this whole thing, we were in our own bed in our own home by 2:30 AM. We all woke up at 7:30 and the girls and my parents got to come in and meet little Gracie. It was so wonderful to just be home.

Gracie is now 10 weeks old and we just love her. It has been a tough transition for me (that may be a post later on) but the girls just love their new sister and are always asking to see and hold her. Peter has been a rock star and has helped so much with everything. Here are some pictures and I'll try to get back on here soon.

The morning after her birth.

Olivia has been such a wonderful oldest sister and helper.

 

Anne loves to hold her any chance she gets.

 

She's been wide eyed since day one

Is this not the cutest picture ever?

Ten weeks old already

 

Newborn snuggles are the best!

First smiles!

Chatting with Dad

Cute!

 

Love this little princess

 

What's Holding Me Back?

I hope that after reading this, I don’t turn people away from coming back =). Have I scared you already? Haha! Do you ever feel like you’re in a rut; emotionally, physically, spiritually? Ever since our move, I have been in a rut, emotionally more than anything.  And one of the things that added to that stress was that I have the hardest time asking for help. What is holding me back from asking for help? I have done a lot of thinking and soul searching about this, and I have come up with some reasons.

I am determined to put on “the face”. I have everything under control, I am happy with who I am, I have no issues, and I am Wonder Woman.

I have no trouble coming to the aid of those who are in need but when it comes to my own struggles, I am stubborn and prideful.

I am afraid that I will be seen as weak if I don’t have everything together.

I don’t want anyone to second guess my happiness or think I second guess my choice to be a stay-at-home mom.

Now I just need to figure out how to get past these thoughts and insecurities.

One thing that I need to remember is that having weaknesses, doesn't make me a weak person. Also, I firmly believe that even the strongest people have had times where they may have doubted themselves and their abilities. We are all on a journey, and I can adapt and adjust.

My goodness, that was way too deep and gritty =) Let’s move on to the updates on my sweet family.

Olivia is thriving in primary. She has made a cute little friend who saves her a chair next to him each week. She has also informed us that she loves him and that he is beautiful =) I really hope this isn’t too much of an indicator as to how she’ll be in 10 years or so.  Haha! Kindergarten registration starts next month, and I am blown away at how fast the years have flown by. Our school district here just passed something that means there is only full-day available. I don’t know how I feel about this, and am concerned at how Olivia will adjust to it. She hasn’t adjusted well to changes in the past and so we are exploring our options (crossing districts, pulling her after lunch each day, etc.) but I know we’ll be guided and get the right answer that will be best for her and our family. She can almost recognize each letter in the alphabet now but still mixes up J and K when she sings the alphabet, which she sings every time Anne starts to fuss, and it must work because Anne stops crying as soon as she hears her. She is still a fantastic oldest sister and watches out for Anne and Jane and loves to make them laugh. She is exploring her emotions and how best to show them, especially when she’s mad; lately, it consists of stomping upstairs to her room or out to the playroom and requiring everyone to “leave me alone to be mad.” She has turned into a perfect tattle-tale and does it with such a grown-up attitude that it’s hard for us to steer her away from it. She loves making up songs and singing them to her many animals and throughout her many adventures. Frozen’s “Let It Go” is an ultimate favorite.

Jane-oh Jane =) Speaking of working through emotions, she has NOT figure this out. Lately she’s taken to throwing the BIGGEST fits when she doesn't get her way that include: screams at the top of her lungs, many, many tears, lashing out at mom or dad, and now she’s taken to scratching herself which breaks my heart. I hope this is just a phase and will pass quickly, any tips would be wonderful. It takes quite a few minutes of soothing talk and lots of bear hugs to get her to calm down enough to rationalize with her and get through to her. Other than the occasional tantrum, she is such a lively and joyous little girl. She tags along with Olivia as much as possible and I think it’s going to be a tough transition to have Olivia go to school for her; although, she and Anne are starting to play more together (with fewer altercations) and my hope is that they will grow close when they’re forced to be together =) Jane has been doing well in Primary and is so excited to get to go with Olivia to “her class” and to be a part of singing and sharing time. We’re looking into preschool for her come Fall or a tumbling/gymnastics class to help her with her energy and to give her something to do that is all her own. Books are favorite things to occupy her time when she’s wanting alone time and she’s learning her letters and numbers right along with Olivia. She’s the first one to make us laugh and never seems to run out of energy. She’s often found dancing alongside her two sisters.

Anne Girl, or Annie as her dad and sisters call her, is very quick to copy her sisters and loves to play with them now that she’s able to keep up with them a little better. She has finally gotten her two bottom teeth in, one molar, and her two top teeth are going to pop through anytime, and all of these coming in at once, has made for some sleepless nights and cranky days, but I hope the worst is behind us. Besides the teething, Anne is so loving and gives heaps of kisses and hugs to her whole family, but mostly Dad. She definitely has more diva in her than her two older sisters. Anne is the ultimate accessorizer (it's a word) and loves to pick out her own shoes and clothes already (my other two still don’t do this) and gets pretty riled up when we don’t act on her timetable. Once Peter is home she doesn't let him put her down or out of her sight, and she gets so excited when she hears his keys in the door. Some of her favorite activities are: dancing, dressing up, reading, playing with horses with her sisters, eating, and chattering to herself or anyone that will pay attention to her. She’s great at folding her arms for prayers and has picked up on a few sign language signs to help with communication with her parents. All in all she has definitely made our home a brighter place and we love having her around.

Peter is still Superman in my eyes. I can’t fathom how he does so much for his children and me, while staying on top of his studies and working. How did I get so blessed to have him be my husband? He is really enjoying his classes, and they are really starting to prep them for their clinical and for seeing patients, and Peter is really excited for that to happen this fall. I don’t know if we've mentioned this but, Peter’s been called to be a Family History Consultant in our ward and it has been pretty great to get more involved with that. I've never really gotten into it, and now that I have I’m catching the fire =) He is such a wonderful and patient father to his girls and they just adore him and all of them vie for his attention when he’s home.

I am doing well. The pregnancy is going well and baby girl (who will most likely be named Claire) is doing well and moves around a lot. Being First Counselor in RS has been wonderful for me to get to know more people in the ward and to be able to serve others. And although I feel pretty inadequate, I know that at long as I’m willing, the Lord will help me with the rest. It’s been such a blessing to me and our family to be able to serve the Lord and give back just a little through our perspective callings. I am missing the sun and have struggled to feel at home but I am slowly getting there and hope to overcome my insecurities and struggles.