Claire's Birth Story: Part 2

 It was a lot to take in. My first appointment with Susan we used her ultrasound on her laptop just to get an idea of how far along I was since I really had no idea. By the picture she guessed I was 11-12 weeks along, so we went with that. Then, at our anatomy ultrasound, I thought I was 19 weeks along, but I'm watching the tech do her thing and measurements, which with four previous pregnancies I knew where to look on the screen for how big the baby was measuring, and all I'm seeing is "22.6 wks, 22.4 weeks, 22.5 wks, etc. For real? I had already lost four weeks with my first appointment, now you're telling me this baby is three more weeks ahead of what I had planned? And, for the record, I literally started laughing out loud when I saw it was a girl. I couldn't help it. I mean what are the odds? The tech had to stop until my belly stopped moving so much, haha! So, here we were, due 6 days before graduation. Right in the middle of final presentations. After reassuring the doctor that we weren't worried about the date being so different, we went home. And I started adjusting. As a side note, I also called my mom soon after we found out. Well, she called me because our entire family was planning a trip to Disneyland that October and we were trying to work it in with Peter's schedule. Anyways, I broke down again and blubbered out, "I'm pregnant. I'm so sorry." (We had jokingly said that no one was allowed to get pregnant before the trip). But, joking aside, I was seriously afraid I had upset her and my dad because who wants to go to Disneyland with a 7+ months pregnant woman? Blah. I told her how unhappy I was with it and just wasn't excited about it and how guilty I was feeling, and you know what? She took all that away with one statement, "It's okay not to be excited right now. I'll just be super excited for you until you're ready to be excited." Again, words I needed to hear at the perfect time. I don't care how old you get, you need your mama.

 Okay, sorry for all the sidetracks, back to the story. Around 23 weeks I just couldn't hide my growing belly anymore. I am so grateful that I had that time to adjust and the time it allowed for a lot of prayer, scripture and conference studying, and a lot of therapy talks with Peter. He helped me work through so many emotions and fears. Validating them and helping me realize I wasn't a failure or an ungrateful woman because of those feelings and fears. Because of this time I allowed myself to process through so many things, I was able to tell people I WAS happy to have another baby girl and it wasn't just me putting on "that face". With close friends, I was open and honest about how I was still getting to a good place with the pregnancy and what a process it had been, but at least I could give an honest answer now, one that I didn't feel ashamed about. I really tried to take into account the feelings of others around me. I have been through a miscarriage myself (August 15 is forever etched in my mind as the due date that never came) and knew how raw they can leave you. Physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Let me just take a sec and say that it's okay not to be okay with this too for a little while. I know with the gospel we have the knowledge of forever families and people say you'll have that baby again all the time but that doesn't take away the pain or sense of loss. Not right away anyways. It's okay to be sad and mourn the loss of life that was a part of your very being, no matter for how long. Please, allow yourself the time you need to be okay. And remember, you're awesome, beautiful, smart, and full of love and kindness.

 Refocus. I was really okay, but exhausted. Peter's schedule couldn't magically change to help me and I had to learn to ask for help. Ugh. I am the worst at asking for help. We made it through though and, to be honest, Peter's last semester was probably the best one for us, despite it being the busiest. We talked, a lot. Looking from the outside in, it probably looked like we over-communicated, but I don't care. It was amazing. We never had to guess how the other was doing or what they were feeling or where their head was at. We were in sync and awesome. 

 At my 37 1/2 week appointment Susan checked me and I was 2 cm and 80% effaced. Woot, woot! I thought this baby girl would come early. That would be a welcome change. We were staying home for Thanksgiving that year and we got to have some amazing friends come and eat with us. Thank you Bells and Crokes for being okay with such a low key Thanksgiving. I was have contractions all day while I was preparing food and thought, "Maybe this will be a Thanksgiving baby," but they pittered out by the time we were eating. For the next two weeks every night from about 8 PM to 2 or 3 AM I would have contractions. Consistent and painful enough that for every night, for two weeks, I thought I was having a baby. Haha! Nope. We got through Thanksgiving and Peter had his final presentation on December 7 and our due date was December 6. At my 38 1/2 week appointment, I was 3 cm and 90% effaced. Susan felt it could be any day. So did I.

 At 39 weeks my contractions got to the point that Peter called Susan and we thought we would have a baby that night. So, we went to the birthing center. But we were back home two hours later since my contractions had completely stopped. That is so discouraging and embarrassing and a little humiliating. I felt like I couldn't trust my instincts. That I didn't know what my body was telling me. Super frustrating. We got home around midnight that night and sent our sitter home and were just getting settle in bed when the power went out and the pretty big storm came through. All of our girls woke up in fear. I can't help but be thankful we were able to be home to comfort all of them. If we hadn't I don't know how well they would have done without mom and dad. Everything happens for a reason. One of the issues I was having was baby girl would wedge her cute little head into my left hip and just wouldn't budge. I did everything I could to get her out of there and to just slide into my pelvis to make the contractions more productive but somehow she always managed to wedge back in. I finally just gave into the fact that baby girl would come when she was ready and healthy. I just kept thinking, "You can't come on the 7th, and please don't come on graduation."

29 Weeks

 39 Weeks and 2 days

 Well, we made it past finals--Peter rocked them! Each night the contractions would come. I wasn't getting any sleep and I had lost 6 pounds in the last two weeks. I was as anemic as you can get without medical intervention and exhausted. Susan and Peter were both concerned for me. I was just too tired to notice. After finals, Peter was able to be home more and he pointed out that I always made sure the girls were fed and taken care of but that I rarely ate myself. I know it may sound crazy but I was literally forgetting to eat. I was just busy. Cleaning, laundry, feeding princesses, picking up toys, running errands, homework, laundry, dishes, picking up toys, laundry...you get it. I was just forgetting to take care of myself. Peter was my remedy for that. Anytime he was home he would send me up to our room for a bubble bath or a nap and would always bring me something to eat. I love that man. 

 Both of our parents came into town the week of graduation. It was so wonderful having them there. Graduation day arrived and still no baby but a lot more contractions. I spent most of the ceremony standing in the back swaying back and forth to get through the contractions. After graduation we went out to lunch with dear friends. The girls loved the soft serve ice cream machine =) I ate a little bit but was feeling achy and sore and tired and the contractions were still coming. We made it home and took it easy the rest of the day. After some dinner and some Rook with my parents, we headed off to bed. My contractions were still coming every 8-10 minutes and lasting about 30 seconds. I took a Tylenol PM hoping to get some sleep. And I did until about 1 AM when a painful contraction woke me. I got up and began pacing our room. The contractions picked up to every 5 minutes and lasting 35-45 seconds. At 3 AM we called Susan and we made the drive again to the center.

 After getting settled in our birthing suite Susan checked me again and I was still a 3/4 cm and completely effaced. Since I was 41 weeks though Susan said, "You're staying and you're having this baby today."

To Be Continued...

P.S. I'm sorry there has to be a part 3 but trying to write this all down with five little cuties who need me is taking longer than I thought. Don't hate.

Claire's Birth Story: Part 3